I never thought my mind would heal and time would not cease
And I never thought I would be me
Every day Every day
Every DAY
I never thought these days would seem so real and my nights live for ever
thought my eyes would wake and call my name and I never thought you would be gone for more than a lifetime but I was confused and confused the wall held me back
And don't you think I rode that wave and I crashed and crashed and crashed down my wall
And I never thought the smell of my hope would make me believe in my HOPE
Many of days I thought I would sleep my life away and sleep a million years I did
My mother junked for one year every night of the week
and I dreamed of strippers sex and sex with strippers and whores and sex with whores and I never thought my mother being a junky would make me feel sick
or the smell of the smoke of coke would make me sick
And I thought it was normal to be abnormal and I thought I was not fat but being fat was horrible as a kid
Have you ever seen hell have you ever seen your mother die and fly away
I love her it was not her fault
I never thought Chinese food would taste so bad with drug money and I never thought I would write my dreams on paper and I never thought I would speak the word Just to speak the word
and I never knew and I never knew and I never knew
and i never KNEW
There's never a dream I never had or forgot
but i forgot who I was back in those days I forgot who I was and never remembered to dream and I know
and I know
and I know I wasn't alone and many children my age lived the same way and many died and fell throughout their walls
And I don't blame them for their wrongs and society's Internet DREAM of the broadband PHALLUS
Oh I never thought I would sit in one place for more than a minute and I never thought this rant would be a rant and I never thought the way speak would be the way I speak
and
I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD WANT TO LOVE AGAIN is this a fucking dream am I blind can I see you can I see you I never knewand I never thoughtand I never hadand I never want
WANT
All I ever wanted is all I thought and I never felt this way all the time
Welcome I guess today is nothing like tomorrow which was yesterdays test to be tested
Only from the hands that heat the light of the pained insides that flare red deep red like sin like weakened rot that won't come back unless thrown in the trash for safe keeping
To loose again the twine the twist of the rope
The spark of a flame Ppppssssssssssssssss Dope only kills when u take it what about the fun the past the time when well when the time was new and fresh and it didn't matter to the dr or the nurse or teacher who the word of talk To talk only meant to speak communicate
Why now does the word mean anything why does the sea drift away away swept away to the morn Then she comes again with sight and sound on her lips that kills the thought of thinking
The screams can be heard from my head to my toes there's no place to hide from the hidden which in side
Speaking baby talk from time to time can I breast feed today tomorrow for the rest of my fucking life to dwell inside the skin that holds me on the earth That lifts me to pain every morning and frightens me at sleep time when I dream
Why should I dream they r only dried away where I don't know some times don't even care where the planted feelings twist with hope That seep where things just don't belong or fit
Like a key crushed against the lock to taste the wet distant past of change when opened
Ssssllllllllllammmmmmmm
I'm back again THE DEEPER I THINK THE MORE I LEARN FROm THE LAST OF THE THOUGHT WHICH WAS ONLY GONE for a moment
Just a moment that seemed to have lasted a life time A decade or 2 Only when I weep when I sleep do I cry the pain for me or you The lost of the lost can't find its way today only to sink in the same place where it belongs were it knew it would be To know its end was at lost.............
IT compels me to see frightful of sound people dream
IT compels me to think of all time
IT has compelled me to fight again and Again
IT compels me to look at sight ahead or back
IT has compelled me to bleed hope death hysteria fear of who I am
IT has compelled me to die misery cry for me-
IT compels me to breath in and out
IT has compelled me to taste salt sadness deep woe's and regret
IT compelled me to be blinded by love kissed and scream with ecstasy
IT has followed every step of my life tender harsh emotions that have trapped me in
IT compelled me to dream at night during day and in between
IT has compelled me to open eye's shut with hate drowning hope and a keg full of fear
IT compelled me to try in and out of every possible chance I had of change
IT was all about ME
Which has compelled me to write about IT
IT-----------------------are the tears in my eyes that dropped me face first off the face of this world
Burning a feeling that won't leave ------comeback or tell me my dreams wishes or desires that hopped skipped and jumped and crushed my heart red wilted slowly beating breathing melting
(Am I dead yet?)
IT compelled me one day to take a walk a vision a blurry thick vision of my world of me
IT has compelled me to scream hate at the top of my lungs
SO LET LIFE PASS ME BY
IT compelled me to sleep sleep sleep sleep------------S-L-E-E-P
IT has compelled me to walk in dark deep mind nights furious of I
IT compelled me to run away from problems life me
IT has compelled me to fear mostly everything I know see and do only to blink one eye open one eye shut to be condemned by you man and me
IT compelled me to DREAM DREAM DREAM
IT has compelled me to be afraid of me you and the world
